14 Kids...Seriously?

So I was reading on People.com about the lady in California that just gave birth to octuplets. Apparently, according to the story, she already has 3 sets of twins. She's 33, and her children have been the result of embryos from a sperm donor. It also goes on to say that the octuplets were actually her 8 remaining frozen embryos from the sperm donor. The mother of the mother says her daughter is obsessed with children. Ok... Kind of like my obsession with shoes?

Without judgement, I ask, what's the point in having 14 children? I mean, I realize that somewhere between all of the hell they bring you joy. But what do you do with 14 children? Do you start an army? A school? A band? And how do you afford them? Unless you're rich. I should stop now, because at this point I'm about to go all "ethical" and claim that a single mother of 33 may have a hard time providing the love and support (both mentally and financially) 14 children will need.

My current kid count is at 0 so I realize I'm not in a position to say this. But aren't kids a ton of work? Don't they cry, have to be potty trained, get in trouble at school, sneak out of the house, have underage sex, experiment with drugs, cost a ton of money for college, move away from home only to move back in at the age of 35 where they remain until you die?

She would have been better off being obsessed with shoes, like me. People may judge me for owning 40 pairs of shoes, but at least I have cute shoes. And I can donate them to the Salvation Army when I'm done with them. You're not allowed to do that with kids!

And if I had to guess, I would say this single mother will probably remain single. Not many men are looking for that snake pit of a household to become a part of.

On the same note, I have lately been wanting another dog. I have one already. I hope this isn't leading to something a little more serious. Like 14 dogs.

Sick again...

It's embarassing because I make a point of telling people that I never get sick. Ever. Yet here I am, 3 months after the last non-illness, not being sick, yet feeling like I'm sick. Poor Will, because I'm also moody when I don't feel well.

So today while I was busy not being sick, I was on Facebook, checking out some photos a friend of ours took at a wedding we attended in New Hampshire. It was a great wedding, held on a Sunday in the fall. It had rained for weeks straight up and down the entire east coast, yet for their big day, the clouds parted and it turned out to be a dry and gorgeous day. There's a trend, though, that I'm noticing. If I'm in any pictures taken at weddings, I always start out looking great. Smiling, hair in place, looking like I've got my shit together. Then, as the pictures progress, I start to look a little less sober and a little more sloppy.

One wedding, I was drinking red wine (lesson learned), and in the PROFESSIONAL pictures, the pictures the bride and groom will keep forever, I'm cheesing away with PURPLE teeth.

In these particular pictures just freshly posted on Facebook, I have my leg wrapped around Will. Inappropriate AND slutty at this very classy event. Will was wearing a tux. Great picture.

So my hope is that I can keep myself looking sober in all of my pictures on my wedding day. And I'm open for tips on how to be able to drink, yet not look like "that girl" at my own wedding.

I've already decided I'm only drinking beer or white wine. No coke, no red wine. Because I'm also a spiller when I've been drinking. And my dress is like WHITE, white.

My goal at my own wedding is to not have any pictures of me inappropriately sticking my tongue in my new husbands year, no pictures of me with dribbles of liquid down my front, no colored teeth, no cussing in front of our grandparents, etc etc.

I'd also like to remember my wedding. I don't want the day after to be spent asking Will or my friends "Oh my God, did I say something stupid???" Or even better: "Do you think people saw my boob pop out of my dress while I was break dancing???"

I'm Not That Kind of Bride...

Just as an update, Crispy Beigents are fried dough with powdered sugar. They gave me 2, I only ate one. And before this diet started, I would have eaten both. So I'm patting myself on the back for my restraint. P.S. The Big Easy in downtown Norfolk is AMAZING.

So I figure that a lot of these posts will be about my wedding planning. The thing is, we have no money. I saved about $600 right away to go towards the "wedding fund" which I promptly spent on a wedding dress. So now I have about $50. No venue, no timing. But I have the dress of my dreams.

I went to a bridal show this past Sunday (my first and last). I'd be walking past a booth and some perky 30 year old with a huge diamond on her hand would grab me and say "Are YOU the bride?!?!?!" with a huge smile and this crazy look in her eye. I think the response she wanted was "YES!!! YES!!! YES I AM!!!!" But that's not me. She'd ask me where and when we were getting married and I made up a different answer for all of them. I just didn't want to disappoint people because that 10 seconds they had already wasted on me caused them to miss the 10 girls that passed behind me that are the EXACT brides they should have been talking to. And by that I mean they have the money, a date set, a venue chosen, MONEY, some idea of what they want, and of course, money. In fact, it was comical when a wedding planner would pull me aside to tell me all of the great things she does and how EASY this planning could be if I just hired her. What I really need from these wedding planners is a charity set up in my name. So I have some place to wear my pretty dress.

With that being said: no I won't be having a videographer, no I won't be ordering your most popular photography package of only $5000, no I won't be having 4 ft. centerpieces, no I don't need a lighting specialist and no I won't be renting an extra long stretch Hummer to take my bridesmaids that don't exist to the reception that hasn't been planned.

If Will has his way, our reception will consist of 10 kegs, pizza, and music by the heavy rock band Clutch. Wouldn't it be funny if grooms had "groom shows"? All of the vendors would be like Pizza Hut, Budweiser, and bands that girls don't like. Which sounds way easier than what I have a feeling our reception will morph into when all is said and done.

And we have a new President of the United States...

So my very first post is about the inauguration. Actually, it's not. I'm mentioning it because it's a big deal, but I can assure you, this blog will not be about politics. Ever. Because despite the fact that I'm a working adult, paying taxes, and actually do have some pretty strong political views, I still choose Bravo over CNN and Friends over the evening news. I don't know why I lack the maturity to choose more adult-like content. Maybe I'll have more patriotic viewing habits when I turn 30. But that's still over 2 years away.

Anyways, all I was going to say about the inauguration is that Barack Obama is a great speaker and it was quite a moving event. Aretha Franklin's hat was VERY sassy.

Now we move on to something completely unrelated to the presidency, but something that I feel should probably be brought to his attention when he has a few spare minutes. I'm annoyed because the entire city of Virginia Beach (except for my agency) has shut down today due to "snow". 3-5 inches. We have gotten no snow. None. It's actually SUNNY right now. The chance of snow was 100% according to every weather forecasting website I could find. So I don't know who to blame for the fact that my neck actually hurts from turning around to look out my window in hopes of seeing snow, but someone is going to pay for this. Meteorology- a job I'm more qualified for than actual meteorologists. Adding this to my resume and LinkedIn profile as we speak.

On the bright side, my Norfolk Restaurant Week dinner will not be canceled, as I do not have to worry about ice or snow on the streets. I'm on a strict diet to lose 10 pounds by March 9, so my order will sound something like this "I would like to start with the Crawfish Bisque, no bisque please. For dinner, the Pecan Breaded Catfish, no pecans and no breading. And for dessert the Crispy Beigents." I have no idea what Crispy Beigents are, but they're on the menu and I'm getting them. I'll also have a (light) beer. To drink away my sore neck.